So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
