so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
