No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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