with your own penis?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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