Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
