In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
