the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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