He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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