he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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