i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
