don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
