He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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