Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
