Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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