Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
