Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
