You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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