five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
