his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
