I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
