I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
