Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
