Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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