I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
