you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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