I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date