3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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