make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
