I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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