I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
