Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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