let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
