dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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