i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
