haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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