take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
