My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Drunk is not a location!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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