A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
