I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
