im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
