You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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