pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
