wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
