3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
