i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
