Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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