Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
