Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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