Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
