i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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