I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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