we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
