too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
