Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
