gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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