I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize