She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
