You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
