I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
