TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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