i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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