On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
