hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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