if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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