sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
