u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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