She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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