the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
