I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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