defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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