so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
